Tuesday, June 24, 2008

What do you think of the rectum as a whole?

Ok...for the faint of heart....I'm warning you. Blog of graphic nature coming up.
About 15 years ago, I had to have reconstructive surgery on my *ahem* bunghole. I ended up with a nasty fissure up in that area. Oh Lordy it was painful. And just for clairification, I don't know how it happened. Don't jump to any conclusions. Nothing entered that delicate area. Hey folks, as far as I'm concerned, that's an exit only ramp. So for heaven's sake, get your mind out of the gutter. I can't really tell you went on during the surgery, since I was asleep and all. But before they will let you go home, you have to drink something and pee. Well, with this kind of surgery, they bandage you up by taping your butt cheeks together. Let me tell you, you can't pee when things are bound tightly down there. I asked the wonderfully kind nurse if we could free my ass from it's tapes of bondage. She complied. Yay! Free at last. Free at last. Thank God I can pee at last.
Ok....fast forward two weeks. Now I have to go back to the Doctor to have him check over the healing process. I go into the examining room and the nurse asks me to strip from the waist down. Then she hands me a bundle of cloth. I'm thinking it's the regulation sheet that they give you when you're at the " ladybusiness" doctor. She leaves the room, I strip and shake out the sheet. Low and behold, there is a perfect circle cut out of the center of it. Um....what the heck? I know I can be slow at times. However I just couldn't figure this out. Do I put it over my head and wear it like a poncho? Thank goodness I took a minute to think that through. How embarrasing would it have been to be sitting there wearing it like that? No....I'll just climb up and sit on the paper covered table and drape it over my naked parts. The nurse comes back in and pulls a step out from the side of the table. She tells me to climb off the table and kneel on the step. She called it the "praying position".
So I'm thinking:
Now I lay me down
to sleep
Here's my butthole
take a peek
She throws the sheet over my backside with my heinie poking through the hole. Okay, you probably saw this coming. But when you're naked and having to show a very private spot of your body to a virtual stranger, you don't always think straight. From that point on, that sheet has been lovingly referred to as the "Butt Poncho".
Anyhow...All was well and my bottom healed beautifully. That, by the way was a direct quote from the doctor. I took it as a compliment.


glitterpaintpony said...

What a coincidence! That's exactly what I pray every night before bed! What? Ack!

yvanka said...