Saturday, June 21, 2008

tick, tick tick...BOOM!

As far back as I can remember, I've had a problem with noises. I don't mean every noise, but things like finger tapping, faucets dripping, and clock ticking. Some folks find these sounds soothing. Me? No! They turn me into a stark raving mad lunatic. Yes, it's the noises. Not my fault. No sirree. Uh Uh. No way. Not my fault, I say. But the thing that really makes me super duper, over the top, fists flying crazy is GUM POPPING! My darling sister was a master at this...um skill? I don't know if she was bitten by a radioactive spider or what, but this is totally is one of her super powers. It's like she has a a special set of teeth and a microphone imbedded in her jaw, because the level of sound was and still is unbelievable. Now when we were growing up, and someone would offer her a stick of gum, I would feel the panic start to rise in me. And holy crap on a stick, if I was trapped in a car when this would occur....well, you know the look of terror on Bruce Banner's face before he turns into the Incredible Hulk? Well that was me. Because look out! I would feel the anger rising and.....KABOOM! I would start yelling. I don't even remember if I first asked nicely for her to stop. I'm sure I did. I have impeccable manners. But she wouldn't listen. Plus, I swear, she loved to torture me. Which is the duty of all big sisters. And when my fury would reach the physical level, that's when our mother would intervene. Oh.....the betrayal. She would pull me off of Snappy McPopperson and tell me to go and look up the meaning of tolerance in the dictionary. What? I'm the one in trouble?....Mother, can you hear the ear-bleeding popping that is coming from that girl's mouth? Ack!.... Well as you can see, I'm quite scarred from those early years. And I am reeeeeeeaaaaallllly well aquainted with the definition of tolerance since I had to look it up a jillion times in my childhood.

I now live across the country from my sister and I miss her terribly. I recently had a brief but lovely visit with her. But at one point she reached for a stick of gum..........Where the f**k is the dictionary?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

There is a guy outside of our office right now making HORRIBLE snorting 'hocking a loogie' noises and I will soon be forced to scoop my eyeballs out with my letter opener and then stab him in the neck with it. Which will be hard, since at that point I will be blind. I doubt a jury will find me guilty of anything.